Tonight I went to see the movie Millions, directed by Danny Boyle of Trainspotting fame. It’s about a little boy who talks to saints and who wants to be good. Two thumbs up. As I left the theatre, I found it ironic that I had made a choice between this movie, about being good, and a different movie called "Sin City."
On the way home, I stopped for a six pack. A beer or two is an indulgence that I’ve gotten used to, for better or worse. I believe it harmless, but I detect a hint of defensiveness in my own thinking. Tonight it’s "The Poet," a stout from New Holland Brewing Company, based in Holland, Michigan, about 30 minutes away. I find their product to be of high quality. Anyway, on the way out of the party store, I encountered a scraggly looking middle aged gentleman of possibly, well, it was hard to tell what his background was. Hispanic? Middle Eastern? I didn’t pay much mind, but I said hello to him as he scrounged through his trunk. He had a mildly desperate expression when he looked up at me, like a lost child, perhaps.
As I opened my car door, he asked me for some money, because he was going to see his mother in Caledonia (about 20 miles away) and he had run out of gas. "And you stopped at the party store?" I thought. It seemed relatively obvious what the situation was. Every good wino has a story about bus fare, or hospital visits, or something. I’ve heard some good ones. I assumed he just wanted a 40.
I didn’t have any cash. I scrounged through my pockets, and even opened my wallet, even though I was nearly positive (didn’t I spend that dollar?) there was nothing in there. I had no change from the beer or movie because I usually pay with just about everything with a credit card. Cash burns holes in my pockets. But if I’d had any change, I would have given it to him. It’s a rule I made a few years back for myself.
I decided that after some time thinking about it. I assume that every bum that asks me for money is going to try to get drunk off of it. I think, "fine, here you go." For goodness sake, I was on my way out of the party store with a six pack in my hand, and I’m doing okay! I think if I was begging for spare change, I’d probably want a beer even more. I assume the bum wants to get drunk, and I hope to myself that maybe he’ll prove me wrong. I’ll never know, but I feel better giving the guy the benefit of the doubt.
But, like I said, I had absolutely no cash on me. So I apologized to the guy and got in my car. A second later, he asked for a smoke. I gave him one, and then he drove away. I hope he had enough gas to get to wherever his next spot was.
As I drove off, I though of the movie. The little boy who talks to saints and tries to be good is asked for money at one point. Instead of questioning the asking man’s motives (which were quite obviously dishonest), he asked him, honestly, "are you poor?" And he ran off to get some money for the poor man, quite pleased with the prospect of helping him out. But the little boy was not stupid. He was young and naive, surely, but not stupid.
As I grow older, I feel more cynical towards mankind. I view man as generally corruptable. I know of instances in my own life where I have let my morals and ethics fall by the wayside for a small gain. And corruption is the story of the day in business and government (as it has always been). But I don’t view man as inherently corrupt. I’d say that we’re born basically good, but that the possibilities for corruption start the day we get out of the womb.
Good parents shield their children from as much of that bad stuff as possible, by lesson and by example. But the influences and pressures, for good or. . .less good, continue as long as we live. This is empowering because this understanding carries the awareness that my actions matter, not only to me, but to those around me. My actions will have some influence, however slight, on any person who chooses to focus even the slightest amount of attention toward me. So I try to be a good influence.
Just such an awareness combined with the right effort, makes me a little bit happier to be here, and I think, a better person.
